"Oh my god! Congratulations Val! Syempre hindi ko alam na buntis ka! (I didn't know you were pregnant!)"
Over the past few days, I received a lot of congratulations on the birth of our new son Rashawn Isaac (Zack). The funny thing was many of my friends were shocked to find out that I was even pregnant. Yes, I was pregnant for 9 months! I didn't mean to be rude by not making an official press statement. After an unsuccessful previous pregnancy, it’s only understandable that I preferred to discretely savor the good news to a limited few.
Zack came as a post 4th anniversary / pre-Christmas present to us. Last December 18, I took the test and found out that we were expecting. To be honest, I was shocked because I was in a point in my life were stress and exhaustion took center stage. Aside from my full-time work with BHC and final exams stress from my MBA at San Jose State University, I was also extremely busy heading our Filipino Community's Simbang Gabi fiesta (our community's biggest annual event) and managing our church Music Ministry's Desktop Publishing Team (during the DP team's most toxic season!). On top of all that, I was also feeling the pinch from Rino’s weekly travels to Bismarck, North Dakota. They said that stress was one of the biggest reasons for couples’ inability to conceive. I guess Zack is our living proof that kung nauukol, bubukol! (If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen)
I had an easy early pregnancy. I did not experience any morning sickness nor had many physical difficulties. The most discomfort I had surfaced on the emotional level – dealing with Rino’s absence in a time of “great need”. I dealt with this by cashing in on as much frequent flyer miles to travel with him at least once a month to Bismarck, Seattle, Las Vegas, LA, New Jersey and wherever corner of the country his work took us.
It was during the second half of my pregnancy that Zack was diagnosed with a 2 vessel umbilical cord (normal was 3 vessels). Rino and I did not worry initially since the doctor said that although this abnormality occurs in some pregnancies, often it happens without any significant impact on the baby. To our and the doctor’s surprise, this did not apply to Zack. Later in my third trimester, we discovered that our precious baby was no longer growing properly in the womb. He was suffering from a condition called Intrauterine Growth Restriction (IUGR) where he no longer receives the adequate amount of nutrients to help his body grow proportionally. His weight ranking dropped to a dangerously low level (below 10th percentile), and he was already at risk for post-delivery health problems. Without any delay, the doctor ordered for immediate induction of my pregnancy. Hence, two hours after leaving the ultrasound clinic, I was admitted at Washington Hospital.
I was given medicines to soften and dilate my cervix and to get contractions going, but I guess science cannot force Mother Nature to ripen against her will. I still have not dilated about 20+ hours later, and Zack’s heartbeat was already dropping with each contraction. We had no choice but to surrender to the call of the knife.
All of a sudden, my brain went on auto-pilot. I tried my best to hold on to each second, describing each moment as audibly as possible. It was my first labor experience and I wanted to remember everything, to still be on top of things despite the need to go through the cesarean route. But, as soon as the needle stung my spine, I lost it. Everything started accelerating around me, and I could no longer control my environment. A jiggle here and a wiggle there, and the next thing I saw was a quiet baby boy on a table 10 feet away. It took a while before I heard him cry, but when he did, I cried with him. I cried silently in the middle of the room. I had a son!
The next few days had been the best and the worst. I felt so good to know that Zack had arrived. I have finally met this little person kicking inside me, eager to join our family shindig. Yet, I felt awful not being able to hold him or touch him like a “normal mom”. Just a second after they showed him to me in the operating room, they whisked him away to the special care nursery (a step down from NICU) where he still stays up to now. Zack was born full-term on August 13, 2008 (37 ½ weeks), but he weighed only a mere 4 lbs 5 oz (1.976 kilos). He was too tiny to survive on his own and was so traumatized during his delivery. His breathing stopped once in a while so he required oxygen support. His blood pressure fluctuated. He suffered from hypoglycemia. He also had to be fed through a tube placed in his nose. His health was just so fragile. The worst part is that I had to witness his state only from a 3.5” LCD screen… most of my first memories of my first child came out of a video camera screen. I was not able to see them with my own eyes! I missed his first medical exams. I missed his first feeding. I missed his first diaper change. I missed everything! No matter how much I wanted to be there, I couldn't because I laid numb and drugged on a hospital bed far away from my son.
Zack is almost a week old now. I am still playing catch up mom, visiting him in the nursery as much as I can. So far, things have improved. His oxygen support and IV fluids are out. His blood sugar and blood pressure have stabilized. He is still so small though that he consumes more calories to stay alive than what he is able to take in. Hopefully, he’ll get a hang on finishing his milk well without the use of the tube so he can start stuffing his bony body with fat.
Rino and I miss him so much and wish he was home with us. We still have no idea when our dream will come true, but we are both praying hard that this will happen really soon.
Zack, welcome to our lives!!!
